My weakness is....

[Kiri]

...that I care too much.

Really, this thread may not be appropriate for younger people. There won't be any bad language or inappropriate stuff... but talk of drugs will be involved. If you want to see how drug use affects the people around you, though, feel free to continue reading.

I'm really sorry to bring such a serious, unhappy topic to Konoha... I'll understand if you all either don't want to read it or if you'd prefer I remove it. I will do so if you want me to. Honestly, though... right now... my heart is broken... and of all the people in the world, I know that all of you care about me, at least.

My little brother is on a downward spiral and I don't know what to do about it. I've watched him go for the past year. And just when I thought that I didn't care anymore... really, I hated him... when I was so overcome with anger... his habits had to get right into my face.

There was a video on my camera that he had taken when he was high. It was of he and a couple of his friends smoking weed.

If you don't think there's a difference between knowing someone does something and seeing them do it... you're wrong. All this time I've known what he's been doing, but it's been easy to ignore. My parents never did anything about it... and I never had to do anything. I could just pretend it didn't exist.

But to see it right there in front of me... see the look on his face when he's stoned out of his mind....

And yet at dinner tonight he sat there and tried to tell us he hasn't been smoking anymore. The day after recording that. I knew he was lying. I knew it ... but seeing that it was true....

There have only been a few times in my life when I've hurt this much. I don't know what to do. I feel like everything good has been ripped away. And I'm scared. I start to think I don't want to live in a world where kids can do this kind of crap. I don't want to bring children into a world where the average age they start smoking is 9.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

I don't even know what I want from all of you. I just had to get this out, I guess. Once again, I'm really sorry for bringing this here, and if you think it's inappropriate of me to do this, that's fine. I'll remove it immediately. I just can't keep bearing this burden on my own.

[Tensei Kaori]

Wow. Just... wow.

I know it probably doesn't mean much coming from someone who doesn't have the slightest clue what that's like, all I can really say is, I'm so sorry this had to happen. I don't know why these things do, or how we can stop them, only that they do.

I'm not sure where I was going with that, but it just kind of came to me as I wrote. I'm always here, if you need me. I'm just an IM/email/phone call away. Remember that. It might also be a good idea to look into a support group or something where people have had to go through this same ordeal. I've never been to one myself, but I'm told they really do help.

In the meantime, *hugs* my thoughts and prayers are with you - and your brother.

[Fuzzy Blanket-Chan]

*offers hugs*

I know what your going through. In fact, I am one of the few 'clean' people in my immediate and extended family. It seems like everytime you speak against it, everyone looks at you like your stupid. And the excuses people make - it could wrap the word twice or more with them on paper. It has really become a cruel and heartless world. My suggestion is to pray for them, whatever your religion is. I prayed for my parents to become christians for almost twenty years. My prayer came true. I'll pray for your brother as well. (Oddly, I became a wiccan when they turned christian - life is funny, and it only gets funnier. In an odd, twisted way.)

[Kiri]

Thanks, K-sama. I know. And I appreciate it. At this point, I think we need all the prayer we can get. Especially him.

And I know what you mean, Fuzzy-chan. He just won't listen to reason. We've seen this sort of thing in our family before, and I thought that would be enough to keep him from making the same mistakes. I guess I was wrong.

I keep trying to pray, but I can't find any words... they say God knows your heart... I hope that's true.

[SeraphMazrakiel]

The world is a stupid place, with stupid people. And even those we love, at their core, may be stupid.

Sometimes, we can change it... but most time, we can't. One can point out all the sense in the world to a stupid person, and they won't do anything about it until they have some sort of inner revelation of their own -- usually this comes about with regret. That is the unfortunate truth.

I'm sorry about your brother, Twinnie. He'll realise some day that what he's doing is stupid.

[Kiri]

I'm just afraid that by the time he realizes it, it'll be too late. This is such an important time in his life. If he doesn't get a high school education... or if he ends up having to go to juvie... he may never be able to get into college or even get a job. He may ruin the rest of his life just by being stupid right now. Not to mention all the damage he's doing to his brain because it hasn't finished developing yet.

That's what worries me. He thinks what he's doing doesn't matter, but it does. And it scares me.

[chuwawa]

What can be said has already been said.

In short, you're brother is a dumbass. You know it. I know it. Hell, Pat probably knows it too.

I understand that you can't "not care" anymore. We've tried that before, both of us. Part of this particular problem is that he's so close to you. You love him. Nothing he does will ever change that, and you know it.

The best thing I can say to do is nark him out. Talking isn't going to work. It's going to take drastic measures to get him to change his lifestyle. Environment needs to be altered as well.

Essentially, turn him in. If you can force him into rehab (Or just come crashing down really hard on him), there's a slight chance of him changing.

Otherwise, all you can do is try to harden your own heart and not give a care. Not likely to happen though...

In the meantime, you can at least hold on to us. That's why we're here. Least, it's why I'm here.

[SeraphMazrakiel]

Give him the "Do you want to be rich? Drugs don't make you rich" talk. That's what I think all the time, when I ask myself why people are stupid.

Or I suppose, yes, nark. The only problem with narking is that he'll make an enemy out of you, then. Which won't put you in a position to help him, and may hasten him down the spiral. Change only happens inside, and can't really be forced upon your brother. Especially as he's a teenage boy growing up, that makes him far more rebellious and unwilling to listen.

However, I've heard telling someone is "the right thing to do"... or so the rumors suggest!

[Tensei Kaori]

Unfortunately, it's not as easy as that, Chu. Yes, it may work. It may also have the opposite effect, and just make things worse, as Maz pointed out at about the exact instant I was writing up my own post. While the situation isn't the same, there have been issues in my family that taught me that coming down hard on someone isn't always the answer.

All in all, though; you, Kiri - and your parents - know your brother best. So you all will know how each approach will work better than any of us can. All I know is that situations like these are very delicate, but you already know that just as well as I do, if not more so.

[Sorien]

Yeah, I agree. I've been dealing with something of a similar nature in my household with my younger brother, he hasn't gotten to the drugs stage, or at least to my knowledge, but hes doing some really daft things and making some terrible decisions.

I've tried to coach him a little myself, as he looks up to me a little, and gets along with me well, however thats not enough to teach him nor tell him what to do, regardless of how I phrase things. So my advice to you, is to have a quiet word about it to your parents, that you know the truth, and that he has in fact been lying to them. If worst comes to the worst, show them the video of his antics, I'm sure they'll be just as dumbstruck as you. Now half of the problem here, is that the parents may not know what to do themselves, and perhaps if this is the case, you could start thinking about getting a professional in to help with the situation, now I haven't dealt with this personally (psychologists etc) but they do exist for a reason.

So trust me, I can empathise with your situation completely, and feel darn helpless to act, however what can change things for the better, is when in fact, I do talk to my parents about it, in a calm quiet tone, so they understand what you're saying and that you're genuinely concerned about him. Parents can often pick up on this, and instead of thinking you're picking on him or telling on him, that you want to be able to help and can't.

There is one other option I can see, however I don't really have an example for my story like that. I would get someone he looks up to, to have a stern talk to him. In my case, I really look up to my Dad (who I don't live with) and words from him come across very heavily, and would make me look twice at whatever he was telling me about. All is not lost if you can not find a person of this description, as I said, a parent can often help anyway.

Good luck on this matter, and don't give in.

[Kiri]

I wish it would be as easy as that, Mazzy. Unfortunately, I don't think he gives a crap about his future.

Sorien, I dunno. I already showed my parents the stuff. It's not like it's the first time he's been caught. He's been doing this kind of crap for quite a while. We've found homemade bongs and pipes and empty sandwich bags that smell like tobacco. And he always promises he'll quit and he never does.

At this point, I really don't think he respects anybody or anything. He only cares about himself. I mean. He obviously doesn't care about us. So I don't know who I could get to talk to him. He and Dad can barely have a conversation now without getting angry at each other. He never listens to Mom. And he used to look up to me and value what I told him, but I really don't think he does anymore.

But yeah. I wish we could send him to rehab, but we can barely pay our bills. I don't know if we'll have to do without some things or what. I honestly sorta think we should ship him back to Kansas to live with my grandparents and go to school at CCS. Yeah, maybe he won't get anything out of the religious aspect of it, but at least people won't be handing out weed in the halls.

[SeraphMazrakiel]

Haha.

Fair comment.

Make him smoke it 'til he gets sick of it. Make him do it until he hates it, and then pump it into him even more. And then keep going 'til he can't stand it. And then keep going. And then wait 'til he wakes up in hospital, and that if you ever catch him doing drugs again... you're gonna pump it into him until he's back in his hospital bed. Make him learn the hard way. The real hard way. Show him that if he chooses to go down that path, it WILL kill him.

...

No, Twinnie, don't.

[Kiri]

Lmao. Maz, that is the most horrible thing I've ever heard.

I should be like, "Oh, you want to do drugs? I have a character who does drugs, and he's GAY. Are you GAY?"

Harrassment and homophobia... the new tool for getting people off of drugs.

[chuwawa]

Belive me, Kerrybee, I know the pain of having addicted family members. Most of my relatives are/have been at one time or another. The only thing that made the ones that did eventually stop was jail time. And I doubt we wanna go there.

And oddly enough, there is a bit of method to Mazzy's madness. I can't remember the name, but I heard about it in my psychology class. Over-indulgent theory or something. Anywho, the idea is that you give a person too much of something, and they'll eventually associate that feeling with being sick subconsciously. It works in Smokers. They get so much from Nicotine patches when they first trying to quit, then gradually wean, as their tolerance lowers. Then, years later, if they light up again, they get sick and vomit everywhere. Of course, if you really wanted to, you could break through this little barrier, but it's a try.

lol Isn't psychology grand? I <3 my future profession.

And as for Kiri-bee. YES! YES! YES!!! Cause being gay is SOOOOO much worse than being on drugs, let me tell ya. IT'S A SLIPPERY SLOPE, PATTYKINS! A slippery slope.


Mmm....indeed. (hooray for not posting in 4EVER and suddenly creating a mountain!)

[Kiri]

Lol. Jail time, huh? I've had tons of addicted cousins go to jail and go right back to the drugs upon getting out... so I don't really see that as a solution. And it's not like there's much left for you once you get out of jail. It's hard to get a job, there's no way you can go to university... seriously.

I tried to have a conversation with him today because I made a joke in the car that ticked him off. He acted like a huge baby and when I dropped off his friends he moved to sit in the back. I apologized for the joke... and he was like "it's okay, I know you guys hate me."

This kid is so freaking self absorbed it makes me want to slap him.

I tried to explain that none of us hate him, and personally I just hate the way he's been acting. And he was like "OMG MARIJUANA ISN'T BAD IT'S ALL LIES THAT THE GOVERNMENT MADE UP."

(He thinks anarchy is like, totally cool)

I attempted to explain to him the effects that the drug has on people whose brains aren't fully developed... I tried to tell him I was concerned he was ruining his future... he told me he didn't care about his future. He said he didn't want to grow up, he didn't want to go to college, and he didn't ever want to get a job. He'd prefer to just die before he grows up.

....

What did we ever do to make him feel like that!?

I've had some dark moments... some times when I didn't know if it was worth it to live... but just wanting to die because you're too lazy? What a little dips***....