Arial Ereshiba

[xXLunaXx]

Name:Arial Ereshiba img478.imageshack.us/img478/1296/p7qj6.jpg
Gender:Female
Age:17
Level:Genin
Current Affilation: Konoha
Species:Human
Appearance: Tan Skin,Long Amber Hair,Amberish Brown Eyes, A Blue Kimono with splits at the right and left side and wears Black Leggings under the kimono. Sometimes you might find her in a High School looking uniform.
Weapon(s):Departed Soul of Futsu (an 8ft Sword)
Personality:Calm,sometimes she is serious, Talented, Smart, Respectful, Brave, Kind, Funny, Responsible and Quiet.
History: Long ago her Mother and Father Died in war and she went off on her own like her mother told her to but still scared of her past but still she carries her honor and respect for others without a doubt,She hopes to become a gret ninja.
Other:Her clan is the Shibersu, I'll tell details about it later.
Hobbies: She likes to do poems about anything that she is intrested in and she like to draw or paint.
Hangout Places: Leaf Tea, Training Field, On the Roof looking at the clouds or at night looking at the stars.
Favorite Food: Chocolate, Fried Chicken, Ramen, Pizza.
Jutsu(s): Dceptive Jutsu:Envelopes you with chakra)
Shuriken Wild Dance: (Sends an Army of Shurikens at you.)Confusion Attack Jutsu: (Confuses an Enemy.) Phoenix Flame Slash:(The Phoenix Flame Bird Is Summoned And Sends Burning Waves of Fire at the Enemy.) Mobility Heal: Hyo (which heals a person completely.) Sly Jutsu: (Poisons an Enemy when attacked with this Jutsu.) Dragon Flame Jutsu:(Sends Dragon Like Fire balls at an Enemy.) Seduction Jutsu: (Charms an Enemy And Distracts them.) Lullaby Jutsu: (Makes An Enemy Fall Asleep.) Chain Jutsu: (Binds An Enemy In Chains.) Concept Jutsu: (Backfire's A Enemy's Attack.) Clone Jutsu:(Creates 4 clones.) Genjutsu:Thousand Images of Death: (Is a Genjutsu that Paralyzes an Enemy In Fear of a Horrible Tragedy Event Of It's Past.) Dead Soul Jutsu: (Brings a Person Back to Life.) -Note: This Justu Can Hardly Be Used.- Escape Jutsu: (Escapes From Battle.) Wind God Jutsu:( Sends Slicing Waves of Wind That Cuts through an oppoents Body.)

[Rasengan]

shes hot, but seems really overpowered for a genin

[amman98]

yeh she is really strong even more powerful than my ninja which is a jounin!

[Tensei Kaori]

And that is exactly why I will have to mark this bio unapproved, at least until some changes are made. First, I ask that you follow the formatting rules for bio submission: putting your character's village and the phrase "pending approval" in the subject line aren't just to make you do extra work, it's a system designed to help the staff handle things more efficiently.

Second, your character's jutsu list is quite impressive - too impressive, in fact, for a Genin character. Genin are the newest members of the Shinobi world. They're the rookies, the newbies, the inexperienced of the inexperienced. Most are around twelve to fourteen years of age, which is barely enough time to build up a solid repertoire of even standard difficulty jutsu, let alone some of the advanced techniques you have described in your thread. In case you need further clarification, I'll post excerpts from the rules which everyone is required to read before even writing a biography (with bold formatting added):

admin said:

--Genin – Those who have earned the right to wear the Forehead Protector of Konoha and call themselves Shinobi, these rookies have the least experience out of any of Konoha's shinobi and are often confined to boring missions such as weeding gardens, finding lost pets, or doing someone's shopping. Genin are organized into three-person teams with a Jounin Sensei to oversee them. Ideally, each team member is played by a different participant and everyone gets to interact together as a team.

(Content omitted in order to remain specific to the current topic)

~Be realistic. If your character is 84, he or she is not going to look 17. If he or she is a Genin, he or she will not have the skills of a Jounin. Use common sense and you should be fine. If you're not sure, don't be afraid to ask. The staff would much rather answer questions from an unsure member than warn someone for writing a goddish character.

admin said:

~Be realistic. A Genin isn’t going to be doing A-rank missions all the time, and will know way less jutsu than a Chuunin or Jounin. Upper-ranking ninjas will also be likely to be more mature than the kids, as well.

admin said:

2)Be Realistic. Even if your jutsu is acceptable for a Jounin, we won't allow it to be used by Academy Students. If you'd like to write up a jutsu now that your character will use later, great. Just make sure and specify that this is a jutsu your character will learn in the future, and specify about when he or she will learn it (ex: “Will learn as a Jounin”).

It is further arguable that having such a large jutsu list violates the "no godmodding" rule, which is so standard to RP boards that I won't even bother quoting it. Also, please note that while some of your jutsu might be acceptable for a more experienced shinobi, your "Dead Soul Jutsu" is absolutely not one of those. Others might be acceptable for current - or later - use, but need more description, such as your escape jutsu: how does it allow your character to escape from a battle?

Now that we've covered jutsu, let's move on to the rest of your biography as a whole. While I think the character herself has potential, a few run-on sentences typed up into a list will not get your character approved. Take a look at how biographies are written, according to the Biography Creation Thread:

admin said:

Appearance: There's more to this than you may think at first. Hair/eye/skin color, yes; height and weight, yes... but what about build? Is your character lean, stocky, skinny, curvaceous? What kind of clothes does your character wear (you may skip this part if you wish to post a picture instead, but it's preferred that you try and describe them), etc, etc?

Personality: This one's another no-brainer. What is your character like? What is their outlook on life? What are their likes and dislikes? Do they have any unusual fears or quirky traits? The more detailed you are on this, the more developed your character will be. But don't force it – characters have a tendency to write themselves sometimes; go with what feels natural for your character.

History: While it's impossible to write out a comprehensive life story for your character, the more thought-out this portion is, the more depth your character will have. What kind of family life did he or she have? Is there any outstanding event in his or her past that has had an impact on his or her life? Be creative! There are a ton of things you can do with this; so many that I can't even list them all.

Optional Statistics: Anything else you can think of that you wish to add about your character can be added in if you like. Some examples include theme songs and blood types, or listing likes and dislikes as separate categories.

Follow those guidelines, and create at least a paragraph for each category (except for the optional statistics). It's preferable that your character's history be longer than a paragraph, as well.

Follow this advice, and instead of posting directly in the biography board, I recommend that you post your updated biography for review in the ANBU Headquarters board so the Staff can walk you through creating a well-developed, original character who follows the rules and guidelines we've set forth.