It's finally completed! my Inuzuka Tsukiko bio!

[miharu]

please tell me what you think
don't hold back
and be completely honest!

Name: Inuzuka Tsukiko
Village: konoha
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Rank: Jounin
Blood Type: AB
Chakra Affinity: #1 Air #2 Lightning
Other Info of Note:
Weapons: 9 manriki-gusari’, kunai’s, smoke bomb’s, 2 blade tonfa
Habits: taps heel when irritated or nervous, sleeps late
goals in life: creating her own clan

Family: adopted into the inuzuka clan

Appearance: dark brown hair tied into a ponytail that ends at the small her back, bangs that hang loosely at the eye brows and cheek-length side locks are pulled in front of the ears, silver blue eyes, skin white with a slight tan, Height 5’7”, Weight 135 , clothes Ninja High Top Boots, white and red trimmed kimono top, Black tight pants, knee cap protectors, slender athletic build, she describes herself as average looking, others say she's cute until they see her fight in which case they say she is terrifying.

Personality: most of the time she's very laid back and happy-go-lucky and prefers taking things easy but this hides a strong mind, during battle she is quick and decisive always getting innocents out of the way and taken down the enemy as hard and fast as possible but when the battle turns dire another part of her is unleashed, she becomes like a wild animal, cold, hard, and deadly, it's because of this she has been given the nickname "Bloody Moon" and why people who don't know her are terrified of her, but truth be known, she hates the name, because of what it represents of her.

Likes: running, sleeping, wind, music, origami
Dislikes: ghosts, hangovers, going berserk

History: she was born nearby village during a great battle the village was destroyed, the inuzuka clan which was in charge of protecting the village arrived just in time to save the last survivor, the elder named her, "Tsukiko" because thanks to the moonlight they found her, taken responsibility of what happened they adopted her into their clan,

during her time at the academy she spent most of her free time running track, eventually she became the fastest at her school.

shortly after she became a Genin she was on a mission when one of her team mates became a hostage, in order to save her team mate she killed the bandit, because of her young age this trauma would effect her in ways no one could predict later on.

some years later she earned her name "Blood Moon", during a horrible battle she went to a village she was going to protect but when she got there she saw half the village already slaughtered, the image before her eyes - the trauma from when she was a Genin and the fragments of when her family was killed came at her all at once, and something inside of her snapped, she ripped through a unknown number of enemies, and she injured some of her own allies including one of her own team mates,

this went on until she encountered her mother, after an intense battle she was defeated and came back to her senses, she begged her mother to finish her off, but her mother talked sense into her and convinced her there was another way.

Afterwards, Tsukiko promised herself history would never repeat itself, neither for her or future generations.

Technique

Wind Release: Tsume Ookami no Kage – “shadow Wolf Claw”
The Tsume Ookami no Kage was created when Tsukiko was perfecting the "Four-in-two Legs Technique". it was originally met to help her turn when in high speed by digging into the ground, but soon discovered it had more then one Appalachian. imliar to the "Flying Swallow Technique" Tsume Ookami no Kage relys entirely on the chakra control of the user, it requires the user to channel a great deal of chakra to their hands, so much so that the chakra becomes visible foming into Claws. Their nails grow to claw-like length and and they grow noticeably stronger. it can cut like a knife

Piercing Fang
The user spins at a ferocious speed and delivers many powerful beast-like attacks when contact is made with the target. This attack is done alone but it can be done with a partner, making it more effective.

Four Legs Technique
this technique grants accelerated fighting instinct. By stretching chakra around one's entire body and moving on all fours, one obtains super-high speed, like that of a wild animal. Their nails grow to claw-like length and and they grow noticeably stronger. The form is best suited for hit-and-run tactics.

Wind Release: Four-in-two Legs Technique
created by Tsukiko it is simliar to the "Four Legs Technique" this technique grants accelerated fighting instinct. By stretching Wind chakra around one's entire body and double to the legs, one obtains ultra-high speed, The work of the legs is so powerful that the ground gets destroyed everywhere you move. Their nails grow to claw-like length and and they grow noticeably stronger. The form is best suited for hit-and-run tactics. The down side is that the longer you use it the more likely your body will sustain damage.

Wind Release: Verdant Mountain's Violent Wind
By using wind-based chakra, the user can infuse her chakra with bladed weapons from a distance and manipulate them. Tsukiko can used this jutsu to make her Chakra Enhanced manriki-gusari move

Wolf Blade of Wind
This jutsu creates blades of wind brought forth by her Tsume Ookami no Kage,The person enveloped by this gale is assaulted by countless invisible blades. Also, the strong wind power will blow away all incoming projectile weapons and will even make the opponent unable to stay on their feet.

Lightning Ball
By gathering chakra between her blade tonfas, Tsukiko can create a ball of electrical energy and launch it at the enemy.

Lightning Hound
By manipulating lightning chakra into the dominant hand, the user can make the lightning expand to can create the form of a hound. The hound-shape remains connected to the user's hand with a bolt of lightning, allowing them to control it during its attack. Being a Lightning Release Ninjutsu, it requires a large amounts of chakra from the user to maintain and thus is a risk to use with a low chakra supply.

Magnetism barrier
Tsukiko can create a lightning-based defense barrier around her which protects her from all metal object attacks.

Thunder Wolf Fang
By sending her manriki-gusari into the clouds or the ground and send an electrical charge allowing her to create lightning strikes in any desired location.

[Hatake Hiroshi]

I'm happy to see you've finally got all of your stuff together! Let's have a look, shall we?

Chakra Affinity: I'm going to have to ask you to choose only one chakra affinity. It was unanimously decided in a recent Staff discussion to restrict dual chakra affinities to experienced IF members only.
Other Info of Note: These things could be included in other parts of the bio. “Weapons” could be included in her appearance, “Habits” could be included in her personality, and “Goals” would make a wonderful addition to her history. This “Other Info of Note” section is usually used for things that don't normally have a place in other areas of the biography such as, say, pets, or maybe an abnormal obsession with a certain type of food.

Family: I have never seen an example of this in the canon storyline, therefore, it is a no-go. Really, it makes no sense. Why would any specific clan adopt someone of another village into their own family? The Clans within the canon Naruto storyline seem to be very proud/protective of their lineage. It doesn't really make sense for them to just bring someone in. It makes much more sense for the village itself to “adopt” and take care of someone with her type of background. If you want an Inuzuka, you should just create an Inuzuka rather than going with this whole “adoption” thing. It would be a whole lot easier!

Appearance: This is a good description, however, I would greatly appreciate it if you would use complete sentences when describing her appearance. What you have now is nothing but one long run-on sentence, and quite honestly, it gave me a headache trying to read it.

Personality: Again, complete sentences, please. This is just one big run-on sentence. Also, I'm going to let it slide for now and see what some of the other Staff have to say about it, but I would advise you to be careful when creating characters that have uncontrollable violent tendencies/violent reputations. Having a character that always turns feral in a tight spot is really very unoriginal/boring and will most likely get you in trouble on missions should your character attack another member's character without permission.

History: There are several things that need to be fleshed out here. I will elaborate.

First, as mentioned above, being “adopted” by the Inuzuka is a no-go, so some of the things mentioned in your history are going to have to be changed.

Second, there is a huge issue with your character coming from a completely destroyed village. Please take note that we are highly critical of these “destroyed village” situations and that we strongly discourage it unless a sufficient explanation is given. If you still want your character to come from a destroyed village, it's going to take a lot of time, and a lot of explaining. We do have characters (and clans) on in the IF that have come from other villages that were demolished, however, in their character's/clan's history they have explained, in tremendous depth, the following:

1. The name of the village and where it was located. → Using any phrase similar to “a nearby village” won't fly. Ever.

2. How the village was destroyed. → This is probably the most vital event to describe when writing about a character/clan who comes from a destroyed village. Be extremely wary of the method of destruction, as we will not approve anything along the lines of: “It was destroyed by rogue shinobi.” That is way over-used and unoriginal. Please be creative when writing this as it is the biggest determining factor in whether or not we will approve of this whole “destroyed village” scenario. Currently, you have that the village was destroyed in the midst of a “great battle”. That, unfortunately, isn't going to do. You're going to have to tell us what this great battle was, what caused it, who was involved, and how it destroyed the whole village. Again, be careful, and creative as we are quite nit-picky when it comes to this.

If you cannot come up with anything, my advice to you would be to scrap the idea of the character coming from a different village. Not only will it save you time and headaches, the approval process will go faster, and you can get involved quicker. There are plenty of characters in the IF that originate from within the approved villages and have amazing backstories! It just takes some time and effort to come up with them.

Third, the character's trauma as a genin. I don't have a problem with this, really, but I would like to see you elaborate on it more. Why was it so traumatizing other than her just being young? If she's a genin, it's safe to assume that she knew from the beginning of her shinobi training that she was going to end up killing someone at some point in her future. Did she accidentally injure her teammate? Or, if she didn't, maybe she feared that should she lose control like that again she might not be able to stop? Or she's scared she might hurt someone she cares about? There is some really good character development that could come from this, so I suggest elaborating on it more.

Fourth, her nickname. I see that this is related to a previous suggestion that the Inuzuka Clan is responsible for “protecting” other villages. First off, this would not happen, as other villages -shinobi villages in particular- protect their own villages and would not call for aide unless it was absolutely necessary. In that case, no specific clan would be called to give aide. Rather, it would be a team of shinobi picked especially for the mission. With that tackled, I would like to point out that you really need to elaborate more on the “horrible battle”. Was this battle the result of a mission that took a violent turn when it shouldn't have? Was it even part of a mission in the first place? Was the village another shinobi village, or was it just a civilian city that lacked sufficient defenses? When did this battle take place and what caused it? Did it happen when she still a genin? Or was she a Chuunin? Jounin?

Again, I cannot stress enough how careful you need to be with characters with uncontrollable violent tendencies. An outburst like the one you describe where she injures her own allies would most likely result in her being reprimanded and the incident being thoroughly investigated. The Hokage would not just let an incident like that that slide. Just like in the real world, there would be consequences for her actions, so please be realistic.

You go on to say that she encountered her mother (which is probably going to have to be changed given that I'm asking you to scrap the Inuzuka adoption thing) and after an intense battle, she was defeated, came back to her senses and asked her to finish her off. I'm confused. Why in the midst of a big battle would another battle -between allies, no less!- ensue? That is, unless of course she, in her violent tirade, won the battle herself and still had enough chakra left over for yet another battle. If that is the case, that would be bordering on god-modding and would not be approved. Period.

Some other things to consider for your character's history:

1.How were they in the Academy? Did they excel? Did they do poorly in specific areas? Did they have any friends? Enemies? Were they a trouble-maker? Teacher's pet? Did they keep to themselves?
2.When they were put on a team after graduating from the Academy, did they get along with their teammates?
3.When did they take the Chuunin Exams? Did they pass the first time or did they have to retake it?
4.What did they do to be appointed a Jounin?

There is a lot of potential for some good character development in this bio and for later interaction in the IF. It just needs to be fleshed out more. Believe me, it is all worth it in the end!

Now, on to your techniques!

Since I've told you no on her being adopted by the Inuzuka, you're going to have to get rid of the Inuzuka/Inuzuka-influenced techniques.

Wind Release: Tsume Ookami no Kage – “Shadow Wolf Claw”
This is a pretty cool-sounding technique, and it's reasonable, so I'd say this one is good to go... You just need to scratch the Inuzuka influence.

Wind Release: Verdant Mountain's Violent Wind
This one sounds good also, so it's good to go.

Wolf Blade of Wind
This technique is way to similar to Temari's Kamaitachi and Daikamaitachi techniques to let you have it. I suggest reading up on those techniques and tweak this one accordingly.

While these lightning-based techniques are great-sounding, as a Staff member and as a fellow IF member, I am requesting that you remove them. I've already discussed it with the Admin, and they will not be approved, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Magnetism barrier
This technique is exactly like a technique I created for my Clan, the Yanagawa, and I've been using it since the creation of my first IF character, Yanagawa Kohana, four years ago.

Genkai Makuden: (Sheet Lightning Barrier) = [family]
~ This technique, a powerful defense jutsu, is created by concentrating and molding chakra into a nigh-unpenetrable shield. Once the shield is up, nothing organic (including humans) can penetrate it without getting SEVERELY burned. It is lightning afterall. The same goes with inorganic objects, i.e. kunai, shuriken, etc... They can penetrate it, however, they really slow down in the process of passing through the barrier.
Normally, small amounts of chakra are used, but in some cases, larger amounts are used, like when making the shield bigger, or, when ensuring that absolutely nothing can penetrate it.

Thunder Wolf Fang
This technique is strangely similar to yet another Yanagawa jutsu.

Raijin Naruto: (Maelstrom of the Thunder God) = [Unlearned]
~ The Raijin Naruto was created by Kohana's cousin, Yanagawa Miyuki, back when she was a young Chuunin. Up until this point, she has been the only member of the clan to perform it, though Kohana has shown great potential for learning this deadly technique.
The Raijin Naruto involves ENORMOUS amounts of negatively charged chakra being released into the air near the ground and surrounding any enemies within range. Actual positive lightning is summoned from the clouds to strike down enemies with a simple snap of the fingers. These bolts of ultra-high voltage lightning have a longer duration period and fires are very likely to start.

Lightning Ball
While I have not posted this technique yet, it is exactly the same as my character Yanagawa Aijou's “Kyuuden no Jutsu”, or “Ball Lightning Technique”. I would be glad to show you the word document with all my Yanagawa's techniques should you not believe me. You can also ask the Admin. I have discussed with her, in-depth, all of the techniques for my Yanagawa over the past 4-5 years. She has also created a Yanagawa character herself, so she knows the ins and outs of all of the Yanagawa history.

Lightning Hound
I am not going to ask you to get rid of this one, as I think it sounds awesome! I think that this technique would make for an amazing wind-based jutsu, so you could keep the idea, just tweak it so it fits within the element. It would fit perfectly with the rest of your wolf/wind jutsu. I only request that you change the elemental chakra because its principles are very similar to my character Yanagawa Mitsuko's “Raikou Nijuushin” or “Lightning Doppelganger” technique.

Raikou Nijuushin – (Lightning Doppelganger)
Rank: Academy Student - Genin
~ Description: The Raikou Nijuushin is a glowing, spectral-like clone of Mitsuko, made completely out of lighting chakra that serves as the basis for all of her own techniques. During the development of this technique, Mitsuko realized that the clone embodied everything that she wasn't. It is daring, compulsive, mischievous, and in a way – evil. It is essentially, her dark side, and because of this was given the name Yamiko.

Yamiko can be brought out only once during a battle because creating her consumes a good third of Mitsuko's chakra. She has the ability to execute all of the basic Yanagawa jutsu that her creator can until she runs out of chakra or until she is “dismissed.”

In case you are wondering, you can access information on my characters' jutsu and Clan information at the following links:

Yanagawa Mitsuko's Jutsu
Yanagawa Kohana's Jutsu
Yanagawa Clan History

I hope this has been helpful! I'm sorry for it's length, but I am a very thorough person when it comes to this stuff. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. Should I not get back to you in time, any of the Staff will be happy to answer!

[miharu]

i feel like i was shot down by the Red Baron
i gave up, i surrender, i wave the white flag!
i'm quitting the IF

[strangevisitor]

I...really don't understand your reaction, Miharu. You requested that we not hold back, and HH didn't. She seemed completely fair in her assessment and issues raised.

Sorry you feel the need to give up completely.

[Hatake Hiroshi]

I must say, not only do I not understand your reaction, I am also quite offended by it. You said, like StrangeVisitor pointed out, to be completely honest and to not hold back. I did just as you requested, staying up until 4:00 in the morning to sit down and formulate a response in order to give you useful feedback. I could have used those extra 6 hours of sleep today at work when I was stuck indoors all afternoon with about 25 screaming, restless, disobedient, impish little preschoolers that couldn't go out to play because it was raining. I highly doubt you know what it's like to deal with that on a daily basis. Your immature, defeatist response was really the last thing I needed to see when I got home this evening, and quite honestly, makes you sound exactly like some of my preschoolers. I practically SPOON-FED you your bio, yet you felt the need to just give up and throw in the towel. Fine. Suit yourself. Good riddance! And have a nice day.